John Wilmot, 2nd Earl of Rochester

Do you know what's boring? Reading poetry. Most of it is super lame and contains things like "metaphors" and "symbols" and "rhyme schemes" and other stuff that's totally hard to understand. But do you know what isn't boring? Porn! That's why when I'm forced to read poetry during National Poetry Month, I look for the smuttiest, nastiest, most disgusting verse around -- like the poetry of John Wilmot. He wrote poems with titles like "Signor Dildo" and took on such lofty subjects as premature ejaculation, getting drunk, having sex with whores, and getting drunk and prematurely ejaculating while having sex with whores! He was also super-lustful and seduced pretty much everyone he ever looked at. But the raunchy rake's sexiness was immensely improved upon when Johnny Depp played him in a movie! Sexy overload! (What was I thinking? I love poetry!)
Before:

You wouldn't kick him out of bed for giving you syphilis! (And he totally would have given you syphilis.)